Annual Champions League Consipracy Draw

Champions Cup

I'm a conspiracy theorist when it comes to the Champions League draw (Euro and World Cup too). I hold fast that these aren't random, and if there's a David-Blaine-Street-Magic way to rig these suckers, they're going to be rigged. That said, here is my annual Champions League Conspiracy Draw. Enjoy:

Group A: Inter Milan, Real Madrid, Basel, Zilna
Conspiracy theory: There's no way UEFA misses out on Mourinho v. Inter

Group B: Barcelona, Marseille, Spurs, Partizan
Conspiracy theory:  Barca's annual cakewalk
 
Group C: Manchester United, Werder Bremen, Ajax, Cluj
Conspiracy theory: Sir Alex in Transylvania is too juicy not to happen

Group D: Chelsea, Benfica, Schalke, Hapoel
Conspiracy theory: Chelsea has to play a Portuguese team--it's the law!

Group E: Arsenal, Valencia, Braga, Twente
Conspiracy theory: Beware Braga!

Group F: Bayern Munich, Roma, Rangers, Rubin Kazan
Conspiracy theory: The three Rs: Roma, Rangers and Rubin

Group G: AC Milan, Shakhtar, Sparta, Auxerre
Conspiracy theory:  Ukraine v. Mother Russia: Awesomesauce

Group H: Lyon, Panathinaikos, Buraspor, FC København,
Conspiracy theory: Greece v. Turkey: Awesomesauce 2