Euro 2012 Group B Predictions: Group of Death--and Destiny

Death depresses me. I hate funerals; good Lord wakes are the most morbid of human ceremonies. How undignified is it to go out wearing pancake makeup lying flat on your back under pink lighting that looks like a heat lamp at a bad diner. Death sucks.

My people

So why do we insist on Groups of Death for our big tournaments. Can't we call them Groups of Wicked Good Teams? Or how about Groups of Teams No One Wants to Play? How about Groups that Prove Draws are Rigged? I digress...

Euro 2012 is not without its Group of Death. We have Germany, Portugal, Netherlands and Denmark holding hands in a morbid dance that will send at least one, maybe two pre-tournament favorites home far too early. I'm no fan of upstarts, upsets or minnows upsetting the apple cart (see Greece 2004). I don't think it's cute when The Little Engine that Could reaches the top of the hill. I root for the big bad giant to curbstomp it right back where it came from.

So full disclosure time: I'm rooting for Portugal here and it totally clouds my judgment. I really think my Selecao can get out of this group. I have that gut feeling they're going to beat Germany on Saturday and hipcheck the Dutch to the curb and have no issues with the Danes. That's my heart.

My head and my wallet say three-and-out for Portugal; Cristiano Ronaldo pulls another big tournament no-show and Denmark has Portgual's number in the swing game for this tournament. Besides, the Germans never lose. Hate them; have I mentioned that? So that said, betting with my head, predicting with my heart.

1. Germany
2. Portugal
3. Netherlands
4. Denmark

 Germany and Portugal through to the quarterfinals.